Hannah, your story was short and sweet. i liked it alot. i thought about the movie grease as i was reading it then read your last comment on the bottom. where both the girl and the guy play cool characters. it more or less seemed like one of those fantasy stories, where there is a Damsel in distress.

Ali Jo

i agree with Russell. this person is unique in the way they do not fall into what society dictates. this story was really well done, i love it and i wish it went on.

Larche GREAT JOB this was a cool story because it seems pretty realistic. Both characters fit a similar definition of cool. Like amber said one overshadows the other.

Max

i wrote a post before this, but never actually posted it. lets try this again. i liked your story. i will remember reading this one. i was a little shocking by the turning point in the story. where Pascal is this cool guy who gets by in all his classes, does well with the girls, and lives by his own agenda. there was more that meets the eye with Pascal. Good story

Richie

overall it does sound like the typical rebellious teen. To me this was written with exaggeration. which makes the message of your story more clear. good thinking

Time of day

A couple minutes after the bang rang signaling the start of school, the door opened and all heads turned. All eyes followed Dakota as he walked naturally down the hallway. His hair bounced with each step he took, and everyone heard the sound of his music as he walked by. Oblivious to the other people around him Dakota just gathered what he needed from his locker. His friends strolled over to join him. Behind one another they made their way to class. People stopped him on this way to class, some just awkwardly said hi and others just didn’t really say anything.

First period, Dakota walked in and found his seat slapping high fives along the way. Sally sailor was lucky enough to be assigned the seat next to Dakota. Unsure of what to say, she sat quietly, hoping he would say something. “Damn” he whispered to himself after rummaging through his bag. “What? What is it?!” Sally jumped to answer. After a moment of silence Dakota replied slowly “I forgot a pencil.” Breaking Dakotas train of though Sally handed him a brand new sharpened pencil. Dakota accepted with a smile as Sally straightened herself up straight. She glanced around the room to see if anyone else had seen their exchange in words. The teacher stood up from her chair. All conversations slowly came to a silence as she announced “Class- We have a new student with us today. His name is Hawk.” From the side of the room a tall guy stood up. His jeans were worn out and his hair parted in all different directions. The class just glared motionless. He made his way across the room, breaking the silence with the sound of the buckles on his shoes. Hawk fell back into his chair. The guy who sat next to him looked and rolled his eyes. “Everything alright here?” Hawk said in response to him. Caught off guard the guy nodded and continued doing his work.

The class came to an end, and everyone flooded out of the room. Nudging the smallest kid out of his way Hawk headed for the door. Feeling the less bit threatened, Dakota stopped him and called him out for what he had done. “So what?” Hawk whined shrugging his shoulders. “Don’t be a jerk.” Dakota said not trying to cause any trouble. There was a moment of silence that allowed tension to build. Hawk backtracked in Dakota direction. Looking eye-to-eye Hawk replied strongly “shut the hell up.” Everyone watching was stunned.

By the time second period was over, people’s interest in Hawk started to grow. They watched him as he entered the room. No one wanted to be caught saying the wrong thing.

Coooooool

1. Wow wow wubbzy was on tonight. And for those who missed it, a crazy consentience the episode was about Mr. Cool. They sang a song and everything. A part I caught from it they sang,

   “No need to be something you’re not

   Or to get what you haven’t got

   Don’t tie yourself up in a knot

   Because you are the coolest”

   And this was the message going into the minds of little children. Although it was cheesy, the song was cute and I agreed with most of it. However it is not exactly the most accurate. This is more like a sugar-coated version of how things really are.

   Cool has its own definition to everyone. Everyone has there own ideas as to what is cool and what is acceptable. We all share a similar definition of cool. Most people say just be yourself to be cool. Meaning be real, which is as opposed to being fake? And it sucks because most of the time they dont really believe that, really they’re judging you in a completely different way.

   A basic aspect of being “cool” is not caring what people think about you. So just give up. Don’t give a shit about other people and your cool. I think it should be don’t car SO MUCH about what others think of you. We will always, on some level, be concerned with what others think of us. Although you will never be able to please everyone. Being social you have to learn how to deal with people, and accept other people. I think a cool person is not thriving to be cool. They are confident with themselves and not trying to hard to impress other people by meeting expectations. And if they were, it comes off as fake. Someone who says things just to say them. Someone who will tell you the things you want to hear.

   Defining cool seems like a pretty easy thing to do. Its all a lot more complicated than it seems but lets all keep our cool.

CHOAS

Twas the night before Apple, released their new IPOD

So as I fidgeted, my Mom gave a nod

While wondering about new Apps, I tried to do work

Knowing if I didn’t finish, my mom’ll go beserk

 

She now asked the same question, 3 times in a row

So distracted was I, that I just answered “no”

She screamed and she ranted, and said “you are grounded”

“You flunked your mid-term, - I am astounded.”

 

Of course I didn’t hear her, I was listening to tunes

A drumbeat in my headset, while watching cartoons

I held my Math pencil, as my mother grew madder

Not knowing what to do, blurted, “I have to empty my bladder”

 

On the way to the Bathroom, my pocket felt a buzz

Set to vibrate to feel it, I pulled it out with some fuzz

And while turning off my IPOD, I heard Mom still complaining

Mumbling something, about me doing some explaining

 

I put the phone to my ear, and now heard my friend say

“I updated my facebook status, a bit earlier today”

Of course I had scene it, few updates I miss

But In not sending a comment, she thought it a diss

 

I explained I was busy, and set things straight

And went to my room and to my main soul mate

I turned the power button on and began to play

Rocking out on the Wii; with my very own soiree

 

Soon I got bored, as I wondered who had “poked” me

So I went back to facebook, and found there were three

I responded to each, with the same, OMG

Cus I didn’t want to swear, using OMFG

 

I now logged out quickly, for the start of our show

Ignoring work uncompleted, and forgetting tomorrow

In front of the TV, we gathered for Project Runway

Ignoring all these with neglect and dismay

 

But knew there was work to be done, so I opened my book

But thought about who poked me, and so took a look

My friends were up posting, and so I responded

With the lure of electronics, it is how we have bonded

 

With my work to the side, I went browsing the net

A distraction again, but not the last I bet

Because just then my phone vibrated, delivering text 94

It was my friend whos annoying, but someone I adore

 

She asked about homework and if I was done

I said “um and well” and then answered “none”

She laughed and said get to it, and then hung up the phone

I knew I needed to focus and get into the zone

 

I wanted to IM, but thought I shouldn’t this time

Because before I knew it, I heard the midnight chime

The clock struck 12, so I raced off to bed

My homework unfinished, hoping for sleep instead.

 

I set the alarm for 6, to get to the store first thing

And while I was dreaming, my alarm began to ring

I raced out for the IPOD, and for new kinds of stuff

But half way down the street, realized I really didn’t finish enough

 

I went back to my house, hating to impose

But thought homework needs to be done I suppose,

The new IPOD I thought, would just have to wait

Cus if my works not done, parents’d be irate

 

Next thing I knew, I was late for school

So I cranked up my IPOD, which made me feel cool

Racing to the subway I felt kinda tired

after my night had been dedicated to all things I desire

 

I soon came to realize, how detracting things were

Living in chaos, all events such a blurr

Electronics seem good, but they also annoying

I learned all of this, with the stresses and enjoying.

My original idea was very different in my head. The original idea seems to always change by the time it reaches its end.  I considered doing a drawing, or movie. Unfortunately my drawing skills are not great, and I do not know enough about to computers to pull off a movie, and I liked the idea of doing a poem. I must say overall I am happy with this piece.

Everyone interprets artwork differently. Some might interpret my art piece as a hammer, and some as a mirror. I was trying to reflect a person’s lifestyle in today’s society as well as have a clear message. My goal was not to make anyone feel bad about being involved with digitalization. I was simply trying to express the truth about the situation we are in. I attempted to exaggerate my story to make the overall message more effective, similar to how the author did in Feed. But really it is up to the reader; to determined weather this piece is a hammer or a mirror and what it means to them. 

The hardest part was tying all my ideas together in such a way that they rhyme.  I used my dad and this site to help me out; Rhyme Zone. 2009. Datamuse, Web. 15 Nov 2009. . I tried to put a twist on this piece by making in rhyme, which is my favorite part. Things are more fun to read when they rhyme.

continued comments

dear EVAN,
you have a really goo d paper here. it has a good thesis and good ideas that support it. your sources are great and support everything your saying

when your are arguing about the internet and blogging. you could mention how that decreases written literature, while people are blogging information less people continue to pay and read the newspaper.
when you talked about social networking site i liked when you said "Social networking has gone as far as redefining the word friend. "

to be continued....i am sorry for not getting to complete my comment sooner.

POV: 2.5
Evidence: 3
Effective Organization: 4
Connections and Significance: 4
Opposing POV: 3
Communication Written: 3
Communication Performance: 3.5
total: 23

FINAL

Introduction: We are never truly alone. There is no escape because its everywhere around us, having an effect on everyone. Digitalization has taken over an enormous part of our lives. We are obsessed with making our lives easier, so we dependent on these devices, often times carrying them with us wherever we go. Many never leave their house without a digital device, because it makes them feel lost. In fact, studies say 70% of 15-24 year-olds say they 'could not live' without their mobile phone. (Richtel ) why do we insist on having these devices with us at all times? What makes them so hard to live without? Do they make us happy? Many do not realize the negative impacts that the things we love so dearly have on our lives. Digital representational devices lessen our ability to think for ourselves. This widens the intimacy gap between people. They also continuously place our health at risk. Many argue that mobile phones make them more productive, but yet our economy is still suffering.

People barriers: These digital representational devices distract us from the real world and make us less focused. Students find themselves checking face book updates when they should be completing their homework. These students feel they might be missing an important update. Digital devices limit what we see in the world around us. In the Disney movie Wall-E, our world is shown in the future. Civilization lives on a spaceship after abandoning our trash covered world. Every body is equipped with an electronic chair. They have grown so obese that they can no longer walk. Their chair comes with all the features and is constantly updating them. They chat with each other over screens, and always follow the new updates. Everything they need is at the touch of a button. During one part of this movie, a woman is disconnected from her chair, and does not realize it immediately, and soon she comes to interact with the world around her. She become unaware of the unpleasant situation they are living in. Currently most people are unaware of the damages caused by these devices. They are oblivious to the effects now and the ramifications for the future. We are easily distracted, never giving our full attention to one topic in the present moment. We do not acknowledge most things around us, due to these distractions.

There is less face-to-face communication, and so interpersonal skills are lost. People find there is a widening gap in the ability to understanding each other. We may show more emotion to an object that has no feelings, than to another person. Talking over digital devices is easier than facing another person and becomes similar to sitting at your computer reading a conversation. However, reading a person’s body language can be just as important to what they are saying, and so, there is a loss of physically connection and understand between people. A vast majority of people have used video chat before, or at least know what it is. Vidoe chat requires a person to stare at a lit screen to see and hear another person. There are huge difference with human interaction and interaction with another person over a computer. The same argument can be made with the phone. One only hears a voice when using a phone, but even then, the sound of their voice is buffered. A man with a blackberry simply says, “I have a black berry, I love my blackberry” an average response from a person. We are wrapped up in the concept of it making everything easier, but most do not realize how much damage these devices are causing.

The English language is forever changed by digitalization. There are examples shown in the way we speak and in current literature. Email and text-messaging has led to shorthand, altered words, and new abbreviations. Most of us have seen LOL (laugh out loud) and also FYI (for your information). Emotion and feeling are often expressed by all CAPS. This emphasizes its importance; like what is said is being shouted. Symbols can also be used to help us express our feelings, especially in texting, because of the small screen and limited length capacity. Inevitably when texting, the shorter the better. Due to these new conventions, we speak to each other differently too. Like ayo whats good? Or mad tight. Where those words are unlined in red and do not fit the spell-check requirements, because those words do not make sense. Half the time we’re making up new words. (Richtel) M.T. Anderson's book Feed portrays the negative effects of technology on teens. The characters are set with computers in their brains known as "feeds", a network that they are always connected too. It allows them to chat with others without having to verbally saying anything, get information, buy things, get downloads, and watch videos. They rely on their feed to complete daily tasks. Many aspects of this book reflect our world today and maybe the future. These characters are equipped to communication through the feed, without any verbal communication. Like our devices that we generally chose never to travel without, that come with Internet, music, videos, and pictures, the feeds is used as a way to communicate with other people without facing them directly. This book is an allegory to prove the idea that to much technology is harmful. Like the characters and our being surrounded by digitalization, we are losing the ability to think for our selves.

Risking health: The constant use of digital devices leads people to become less physically active. We are always looking for ways to make things easier and more time efficient. There are so many things that distract us from simply going outside. The president of the American Council on Exercise (ACE) Germano speaks out “It's important for us to continually teach our kids to lead healthy and active lives ...so they can avoid serious health problems in the future.” (ILOST IT AT THE CLUB!) Often times, instead of going outside to play a sport like baseball, one can stay at home and play a Wii. The only physical activity is the flicking your wrist, it really doesn’t require any skill. The contrast between the actual world and a reflection of the world in a game are two separate different things. Playing a sport movement of your body which develops coordination. Being a part of a team forces a person to interact with other people and work together to combine a strategy with the common goal of winning. In a video game, there is just a simulation of reality and no interaction with other people. The objective of such games is to finish first or to beat your own high score. Most players attach themselves to these ideas. They connect to that idea of reality. They become so caught up in their own world that they close off from the real world. The continuous use of digitization devices becomes addictive to the point where we adapt to that lifestyle. It is a distraction that keeps us from going outside and staying physically active. Digitalization is putting our health at risk for serious downfall.

The study of Cell phone radiations potentially endangers our health. An immense number of people use cell phones. It may turn out that this device is not as great as we may have thought. Like eating too much mercury in Tuna, our cell phones could be hurting us without us knowing it. Current studies indicate that radiofrequency given off by our cell phones may cause tumors in certain nerves. Using your phone one allows your brain to absorbs radio waves. These waves have the potential to damage your memory, your ability to concentrate, and your sleep. So you might want to rethink talking to that friend miles away for hours on your cell phone. (Mobile phone radiation and health) Dr. Cherry expresses “The risk is extremely high” he goes on to say “There are epidemiological studies showing that electromagnetic radiation across the spectrum increase brain tumors in human populations. Those studies are for particular brain tumors from cell phones.” considering the amount of time most spend on their phone our health is at a harmful risk.

The Internet is a necessity to our way of life, and is making people lazy. It has become the standard way of communication. It is used to buy clothes, even can be used to buy or order food. You can use the Internet to find just about everything and anything you can think of. This gives people less of a reason to go out and get it themselves. Most products have been replaced and are now accessible through the computer. There is no need for tapes or compacts discs, because there is a million websites you can choice from to find what you want. In a recent article titled ‘The Negative Effects Of Technology In Our World’ states about the significant impact of the digital world on newspapers, “There was a point in time when people were glad to pay a couple of bucks a week to have the weekly or daily paper delivered to their very own door. Now the Internet allows the news to be just a few keystrokes away and so newspaper companies and other publications have suffered tremendously.” (Corkern) people are taking the time to put things online making it easier for everyone else to view large quantities of information. Therefore, less document literature being produced and fewer products are being manufactured. People are lazy, and are dependant on the Internet for major aspects in life.

On the other hand, people always adapt to find ways to stay in touch. We have been doing it all throughout history, way back to smoke signals. Today all these new and old digital devices have been helpful. It is our simply way to constantly being update, you are always connected. No matter where one may be, there is a way to get in touch with them. It is useful to have instant access to communicate with family, friends who are miles away. Not only with our phones but also with the Internet or TV we are giving the ability to become more globally aware. We have such an easy way to information. Staying updated and Knowing current events around the world allows the influence of other cultures. Digitalization allows different cultures, religions and people to come together.

“In a few years' time, don't be surprised to hear of new technologies taking the world by storm.” (Corkern) It is taking control of our lives. We are suffering as a result! We are too dependent on digital devices. We have access to the things we want without ever leaving the house. As a case in point, my phone is only inches away when writing this paper. My mind has been wandering when it might sound, so I can look at an exciting new update. Even after all that was mention in this paper about the negative consequences of using these devices, I still chose to use them constantly, as does the general public. Soon we could start to see the problems that may lead us to disaster. It is possible to reach a point where we cannot undo what it has done. Fortunately, the solution could be simple; find a reasonable balance.

Bibliography

Cohen, Daniel J., and Roy Rosenzweig. Digital History: A Guide to Gathering, Preserving, and Presenting the Past on the Web. University of Pennsylvania Press, 2005. Print.

"Online Predators." Family Safe Computers. 2009. Web. 3 Nov2009. .

"Online." A-Better-Child.org. 2009. Web. 3 Nov 2009. .

Richtel, Matt. "Are cellphones killing Literature?." Upfront Sep. 2009: 23-24. Print.

Corkern, Aydan. "The Negative Effects Of Technology In Our World." articlesnatch. 2009. Web. 5 Nov 2009. .

"Mobile phone radiation and health." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. 4 Nov 2009, 14:48 UTC. 6 Nov 2009 .

"What are the health risks associated with mobile phones and their base stations?." World health Organization. 2 December 2005. WHO, Web. 5 Nov 2009. .

"High technology leads to low physical activity, contributes to obesity." ILOST IT AT THE CLUB! 2. (2009): 2-4. Web. 3 Nov 2009. .

Revised rough draft

We are never truly alone. There is no escape because its everywhere around us. Having an effect on everyone. Digitalization has taken over an enormous part of our lives. We are obsessed with making our life’s easier. So we dependent on these devices, often times carrying them with us wherever we go. And never leaving the house without it, because we feel lost without it. In fact studies say 70% of 15-24 year-olds say they 'could not live' without their mobile phone. (Richtel ) we insist on having these devices for what? What makes them so hard to live without? Do they make us happy? But one may not realize all the negative impacts that the things we love so dearly have. Digital representational devices lessen our ability to think for ourselves; being more dangerous than helpful. Just widening the forming gap between people. Continuous putting our health at risk. The economy still suffers.

These digital representational devices distract us from the real world. Weather its checking face book updates over completing homework. Just because you feel like you might be missing out on an important update. it takes away from what we see in the world around us. In the Disney movie Wall-E our world is shown in the future. Living on a spaceship after abandoning our trash covered world. Every body is equipped with an electronic chair. They have grown so obese that they can no longer walk. Their chair comes with all the features and is contently updating them. They chat with each other over screens, and always follow the new updates. Everything they need is at the touch of a button. One part in this movie, women is disconnected from her chair, not realizing it before she comes to realization of the world around her. She comes to terms with the unpleasant situation they’re living in. currently most people are unaware of the damages of these devices. They are oblivious to the situation now and the possibility of it escalating for the future. We are easily distracted, never giving one time our full attention. We do not acknowledge most things around us due to these distractions. And we miss out.

There is less face-to-face communication. People find there’s a widening gap between peoples understanding of each other. We show emotion to an object that has no feelings. Talking over digital devices is easier than facing another person. Like while your sitting at your computer reading a conversation. This lacks the person’s body language. There is a loss of physically connection and understand between people. Odds are we have all used video chat before, or at least know what it is. Starring at a lightened screen to see and hear another person. Call me crazy but it just isn’t the same. Not even over the phone. One only hears a voice, but Even then the sound of their voice is buffered. It is different than as if in person. A man with a blackberry simply says, “I have a black berry, I love my blackberry” an average response from a person. We are wrapped up in the concept of it making everything easier; we do not realize how much damage these devices are causing.

The English language is forever changed by digitalization. Examples shown in the way we speak and current literature. Email altered words, forming new conventions and abbreviations. Most of us have seen LOL (laugh out loud) and how about FYI (for your information). Where emotion and feeling is expressed in all CAPS. Showing that it is important, like we are saying it shouting. Lets not forget the Symbols that help us express our feelings so well, Especially in texting where those come in handy. Usually on a small screen we have to use short responses, never full sentences, inevitably the shorter the better. Due to these new conventions we speck to each other differently too. Like ayo whats good? Or mad tight. Where those words are unlined in red and do not fit the spell-check requirements, because those words do not make sense! And half the time we’re making up new words. (Richtel) M.T. Anderson's book Feed portrays the negative effects of technology on teens. The characters are set with computers in their brains know as "feeds." a network that they are always connected too. It allows them to chat with others without having to verbally say anything, get information, buy things, and get downloads and watch videos. They rely on their feed to complete daily tasks. Many aspects of this book reflect our world today and maybe the future. These characters are equipped to communication through the feed, without any verbal communication. Like our devices that we generally chose never to travel without, that come with Internet, music, videos, pictures. Used as a way to communicate with other people without facing them directly. all things the feed does. This book is an allegory to prove the idea that to much technology is harmful. Like the characters and like us surrounded by digitalization we lose the ability to think for our selves.

The constant use of digital devices leads people to become less physically active. We are always looking for ways to make it easier and more time efficient on ourselves. There are so many things that distract us from simply going outside. The president of the American Council on Exercise (ACE) Germano speaks out “It's important for us to continually teach our kids to lead healthy and active lives ...so they can avoid serious health problems in the future.” (ILOST IT AT THE CLUB!) Where playing a sport you move your body and develop coordination. Being a part of a team, you interact with other people and work together with strategy. In a game, people become so caught up in their own world they are obvious to the real world. The continuous use of digitization devices becomes addictive, to the point where we adapt to that lifestyle. It is a distraction that keeps us from going outside and staying physically active. Digitalization is putting our health at risk for serious downfall.

The study of Cell phone radiations potentially endangers our health. An immense number of people use cell phones. It may turn out that this device is not as great as we may have thought. Like being betrayed by a loved one, our cell phones are hurting us. Current studies indicate that radiofrequency given off by our cell phones may cause tumors in certain nerves. Using your phone one allows your brain to absorbs radio waves. These waves have the potential to damage your memory, your ability to concentrate, and your sleep. So you might want to rethink talking to that friend miles away for hours on your cell phone. (Mobile phone radiation and health) Dr. Cherry expresses “The risk is extremely high” he goes on to say “There are epidemiological studies showing that electromagnetic radiation across the spectrum increase brain tumors in human populations. Those studies are for particular brain tumors from cell phones.” considering the amount of time most spend on their phone our health is at a harmful risk.

The Internet is a necessity to our way of life, making people lazy. It has become the standard way of communication. It is used to buy clothes, even can be used to buy or order food. You can use the Internet to find just about everything and anything you can think of. Which gives people less of a reason to go out and get it themselves. Most products have been replaced and are now accessible through the computer. There is no need for tapes or compacts discs, because there’s a million websites you can choice from to find what you want. In a recent article titled ‘The Negative Effects Of Technology In Our World’ states about the significant impact of the digital world on newspapers, “There was a point in time when people were glad to pay a couple of bucks a week to have the weekly or daily paper delivered to their very own door, but with the internet and the news at just a few keystrokes, newspaper companies and other publications have suffered tremendously.” (Corkern) people are taking the time to put things online making it easier for everyone else to view. So there is being less document literature being produced. And less products being manufactured. People are lazy, and are dependant on the Internet for major aspects in life.

It is taking us over. We are losing! We are to dependant on these digital devices. We have access to the things they want without ever leaving the house. Just while writing this I have my phone inches away. Waiting for it to sound so I can look over at an exciting new update. Even though I know based off all that was said above these devices have a negative effect on us. Unfortunately, I still chose to continue. As we all still continue. Soon we will be headed for disaster. When we realize that we cannot break free from it. It is possible to reach a point where we cannot undo what it has done. Although the solution is simple; find the balance.

Bibliography

• Cohen, Daniel J., and Roy Rosenzweig. Digital History: A Guide to Gathering, Preserving, and Presenting the Past on the Web. University of Pennsylvania Press, 2005. Print.
• "Online Predators." Family Safe Computers. 2009. Web. 3 Nov2009. .
• "Online." A-Better-Child.org. 2009. Web. 3 Nov 2009. .
• Richtel, Matt. "Are cellphones killing Literature?." Upfront Sep. 2009: 23-24. Print.
• Corkern, Aydan. "The Negative Effects Of Technology In Our World." articlesnatch. 2009. Web. 5 Nov 2009. .
• "What are the health risks associated with mobile phones and their base stations?." World health Organization. 2 December 2005. WHO, Web. 5 Nov 2009. .

MORE comments

SANDY, i was curious about other drafts and idea so i was just wandering. i decided to leave your a comment because my partners did not get to their papers yet :( i am glad i got to read your though. you have good ideas. i see alot from what we talked about in andys class and from other classes. you used good pieces of evidences. i almost liked how you included the different sections of significance, POV. it gave me the idea to use in my paper (i hope you dont mind) the only thing i could suggest to improve to add on more. i think each part of your arguments can go more into depth, maybe even personal. one more thing to look out for; you start alot of your paragraphs with "the media..." maybe try to mix it up. your doing great! if you get this before it is to late, Would u mind reading over my paper, i would really like the suggestions and havnt gotten any comments yet? thank you!!!! ARDEN

Richie,
Thank you for the post your left on my blog btw it was very helpful. i should probably stop usually abbreviations because i just wrote how it was bad in my paper.
overall your paper is great. a good start. i like the set up of your paper and how it is organized. it is easy to follow. however. make sure you use enough hard evidence in order to fully support your point. it was good that you used used quotes that fit and your cited them. at time i didnt understand how long each quote was. you may want to cut down the part of the quote that best supports your argument.
lastly i really like how your ended off your paper. It was your own voice and a unquie little sign off. to make your paper end really well, start with a good hook in your introduction.
great job richie. this is LOOKING GOOD!
ARDEN

Rough Rough Rough Draft

We are never truly alone. There is not escape because its everywhere around us. Having an effect on everyone. It is always going to play a role in our lives. Digitalization holds a huge influence on us, in average takes away from our lives and is more dangerous than helpful. We are dependant, often times carrying these digital devices with us. Never leaving the house without it. in fact studies say 70% of 15-24 year-olds say they 'could not live' without their mobile phone. (Richtel ) For what? Why do we insist on having these devices? What makes them so hard to live without? Do they make us happy? But one may not realize all the negative impacts that the things we love so dearly have. So the gap continues to grow between people. Our health continues to be put at risk. The economy still suffers.

The wall is being build higher and higher between people. Time and time again. There is declining face-to-face communication. “I have a black berry, I love my blackberry” we show emotion to an object that has no feelings. Yet we talk over the phone all day or late hours in the night. One only hears a voice, but Even then their voice is buffered by the phone communication. Their voice does not sound the same as in person. One cannot see the other person. Using the computer it is possible now to see and hear another person. Odds are we have all used video chat before, or at least know what it is. So instead of a phone one might spend Hours at a time starring at a lightened screen. Call me crazy but it just isn’t the same. Looking at someone through a screen and feeling the presence of their body. There is a loss of touching and understanding between people.

Having the ability to get in touch with people with cell phone, having the ability to all the social networking makes a person very venerable. Putting personal information on myspace and facebook allows anyone see it. And once it is up chances are it can always be found online. On October 2005 a story of a 13 year old girl who put all her personal information myspace. She had put her age as 27-years old. Later an older man started talking to her. They were strangers to each other, but agreed to meet. Witch lead to him having sex with her. (A-Better-Child.org)These devices have been noted to put us in these dangerous situations. In fact a recent study by The National Crime Prevention Council found that more than 40% of teens had been victims of cyber bullying all during the past year. Digitalization creates barriers between person-to-person communications.

The English language is forever changed by digitalization. Examples shown in the way we speak and current literature. Email altered words, forming new conventions and abbreviations. Most of us have seen LOL (laugh out loud) and how about FYI (for your information). Where emotion and feeling is expressed in all CAPS. Showing that it is important, like we are saying it shouting. Lets not forget the Symbols that help us express our feelings so well, Especially in texting where those come in handy. Usually on a small screen we have to use short responses, never full sentences, inevitably the shorter the better. Due to these new conventions we speck to each other differently too. Like ayo whats good? Or mad tight. Where those words are unlined in red and do not fit the spell-check requirements, because those words do not make sense! And half the time we’re making up new words. (Richtel)

The constant use of digital devices leads people to become less physically active. We are always looking for ways to make it easier and more time efficient on ourselves. Instead of going outside to play baseball one can just pick up a wii. While it does incorporate some physical activity like the flick of a wrist, it really doesn’t require any skill. Games like that create a simulation of reality. There is no interaction with other people. The contrast between the actual world and a reflection of the world in a game are two separate different things. And most teens attach themselves to these ideas. Therefore would rather spend time inside with a remote control then playing something outside. The president of the American Council on Exercise (ACE) Germano speaks out “It's important for us to continually teach our kids to lead healthy and active lives ...so they can avoid serious health problems in the future.” (ILOST IT AT THE CLUB!)

The continuous use of digitization devices becomes addictive, to the point where we adapt to that lifestyle. Where our health is put at risk for serious downfall.

You can use the Internet to find just about everything and anything you can think of. And if it happens not to be there anyone can post add it. Most People take advance of the Internet, Using it as a way to break the law. Which does not seem like an uncommon thing. Most of us are guilty of breaking the rules of the Internet, such as downloading music. The fact of the matter is, a good amount of crime is down over the Internet. There is not much we can do about it; “The Internet is a worldwide network that stretches far beyond the grasp of the US judicial system. Technology moves so fast the slow progression of our law making process will never fully address the problem.” (Family safe computers) The Internet is a great range of space for people to do just about anything. Think about a time when you’re accidentally clicked on a wrong link. Bring you to an unfamiliar page. So as your attempt to click the x close, the window keeps coming back. And that point it’s to late, so you sit there helplessly as your computer slowly dies. Although the interne provides us with information, and entertainment it has so many hidden corners of danger. While less is being done about it, new advancements come, people take advantage of it.

As a whole we love these devices. Businesses depend on them to get thing done. It plays an important role in most businesses and organizations around the world. It provides a way to manage, store, handle, analyze, and communicate. Replacing business with these advancements leaves no jobs for skilled workers.

It is taking us over. We are losing! We are to dependant on these digital devices. We have access to the things they want without ever leaving the house. Soon we will be headed for disaster. When we realize that we cannot break free from it. It is possible to reach a point where we cannot undo what it has done. Although the solution is simple; find the balance.

Comments

richie>

you seem like you have all your ideas together. however this seems more like a rough draft of an outline. 

1. make sure you have a clear thesis statement. just know the point your are trying to prove. 
2. then make sure it follows with evidence that supports what your saying. it would be a good idea to include more than just one point of evidence. there are allot of articles in the paper about teens who become addicted to video-games or movie and that leads them to committing crimes. finding stories like that for example might help you support your point. 
hope this was helpful. good luck richie :)

this sounds like it could be the start of a really great paper. it seems you know what you will be talking about. and you have types of evidence you need to back up your points. there is alot of recent news that i can think of that relates to your point, but also alot of events in the past. you should be able to find some interesting facts maybe about crime rate relating to video games. something like that, you have a great start here. the only thing to make sure of is that your arguments are organized. so the paper is easy to follow and not confusing. good luck max!