A couple minutes after the bang rang signaling the start of school, the door opened and all heads turned. All eyes followed Dakota as he walked naturally down the hallway. His hair bounced with each step he took, and everyone heard the sound of his music as he walked by. Oblivious to the other people around him Dakota just gathered what he needed from his locker. His friends strolled over to join him. Behind one another they made their way to class. People stopped him on this way to class, some just awkwardly said hi and others just didn’t really say anything.
First period, Dakota walked in and found his seat slapping high fives along the way. Sally sailor was lucky enough to be assigned the seat next to Dakota. Unsure of what to say, she sat quietly, hoping he would say something. “Damn” he whispered to himself after rummaging through his bag. “What? What is it?!” Sally jumped to answer. After a moment of silence Dakota replied slowly “I forgot a pencil.” Breaking Dakotas train of though Sally handed him a brand new sharpened pencil. Dakota accepted with a smile as Sally straightened herself up straight. She glanced around the room to see if anyone else had seen their exchange in words. The teacher stood up from her chair. All conversations slowly came to a silence as she announced “Class- We have a new student with us today. His name is Hawk.” From the side of the room a tall guy stood up. His jeans were worn out and his hair parted in all different directions. The class just glared motionless. He made his way across the room, breaking the silence with the sound of the buckles on his shoes. Hawk fell back into his chair. The guy who sat next to him looked and rolled his eyes. “Everything alright here?” Hawk said in response to him. Caught off guard the guy nodded and continued doing his work.
The class came to an end, and everyone flooded out of the room. Nudging the smallest kid out of his way Hawk headed for the door. Feeling the less bit threatened, Dakota stopped him and called him out for what he had done. “So what?” Hawk whined shrugging his shoulders. “Don’t be a jerk.” Dakota said not trying to cause any trouble. There was a moment of silence that allowed tension to build. Hawk backtracked in Dakota direction. Looking eye-to-eye Hawk replied strongly “shut the hell up.” Everyone watching was stunned.
By the time second period was over, people’s interest in Hawk started to grow. They watched him as he entered the room. No one wanted to be caught saying the wrong thing.
Arden,
ReplyDeleteI really like how you focus on one main character and his ideas, i can see how your reflection of cool is put into both of them. The new mysterious kid and the big jerk. They both have their appealing sides and they also both have that unappealing side. Dakota is quiet and nice and either not known or liked. But hawk is probably big, good looking and just a bad boy. Every girl likes the jerk. That makes him cool. But i think you really did do a good job of looking at two different sides.
sam
Arden this is a really good story.
ReplyDeleteto start off your reliance on description and lack of dialogue in the first paragraph greatly helped me see who dakota is. i was able to picture him as he walked by and the people saying hello. secondly one thing you did in your story that i have not seen in any others is how "cool" changed. at first it was Dakota, a nice guy who treated others with respect. then it changed to hawk, an arrogant, smug, hot shot. the idea of involving two different defintions of cool is something i have been noticing in some other stories. it was like this high school was in its own world, hawk was societies definition of cool , and he got the high school to conform
I liked the beginning of your story very much. You seem to put every little detail in describing Dakota, not only what he is doing but his surroundings too which made him all the more stand out from everyone. I like how you made a background story of Dakota without telling such as, Sally giving him the pencil and looking around the class to see if anyone noticed. That right there you can interpret without telling that she wants to feel "cool" and thought by interacting with him, it would make her more noticeable. In the end, you yourself seem to think that assholes are cooler than a guy whose friendly to everyone.
ReplyDeleteArden ,
ReplyDeletei Like you story it seems like if you were to make it into a book it would be very instersting. i like how yuh focused on how cool dokota was at first than, once hawk stood up 4 hym self the story went and foucused on hawk. it was nice and detailed and live to read moree.
Arden, I really liked how in the story you had the main character be the cool kid, and then ended it by shattering his integrity and making the new character cool.
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Remy. At least, I thought your idea of cool would the sociable kid that slaps high fives to all his friends. But it turns out that the cool-cool kid is the one that doesn't give a crap about everyone else. In fact, quite the opposite of Dakota. Plus, in terms of coolness the name, Hawk totally pwns Dakota.
Hey Arden, i really liked your story it was good. One thing that i liked a lot is how it transition from Dakota being popular and what not to this new kid named Hawk who became cooler at the end. At first i was questioning myself thinking is Dakota a really cool name for a guy? Or does it even suit well for a guy in general? Thinking that he would of been the main protagonist throughout the whole story got me thinking on how would it end? But the ending answered all my questions.
ReplyDeleteBut in terms of coolness Hawk it totally better then Dakota to be honest Dakota is to feminine but Hawk is just kick ass lol. Also some cool archetypes would be badass or class clown or somebody down to earth and mad chill which i think Hawk falls under.