Wednesday, November 4, 2009

MORE comments

SANDY, i was curious about other drafts and idea so i was just wandering. i decided to leave your a comment because my partners did not get to their papers yet :( i am glad i got to read your though. you have good ideas. i see alot from what we talked about in andys class and from other classes. you used good pieces of evidences. i almost liked how you included the different sections of significance, POV. it gave me the idea to use in my paper (i hope you dont mind) the only thing i could suggest to improve to add on more. i think each part of your arguments can go more into depth, maybe even personal. one more thing to look out for; you start alot of your paragraphs with "the media..." maybe try to mix it up. your doing great! if you get this before it is to late, Would u mind reading over my paper, i would really like the suggestions and havnt gotten any comments yet? thank you!!!! ARDEN

Richie,
Thank you for the post your left on my blog btw it was very helpful. i should probably stop usually abbreviations because i just wrote how it was bad in my paper.
overall your paper is great. a good start. i like the set up of your paper and how it is organized. it is easy to follow. however. make sure you use enough hard evidence in order to fully support your point. it was good that you used used quotes that fit and your cited them. at time i didnt understand how long each quote was. you may want to cut down the part of the quote that best supports your argument.
lastly i really like how your ended off your paper. It was your own voice and a unquie little sign off. to make your paper end really well, start with a good hook in your introduction.
great job richie. this is LOOKING GOOD!
ARDEN

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